Speckles Pea McBlip

For better or worse, I have decided to share a not-so-little secret right here, on this very exposed blog.

Why? Because this is meant to be my 'me' time. This blog is not just about pretty pictures of family holidays, it is really a reflection of what is going on in my head at any given time (which right now is quite alot!) And plus, it is the best secret ever and so very hard to keep to myself.

So here goes...

We are having another baby. We hope! It is only early days now (about 5 or 6 weeks) but it is definately there...the two lines on the HPT.

Hubby has already named our little tadpole: Speckles Pea McBlip. Cute.

We have known for about a week now and wow, has it been a rollercoaster ride of emotions. The most obvious being sheer excitement followed closely by all consuming 'what the hell have I got myself in to' fear! I now a lot of this has to do with the rapid change in hormones - I have been pretty emotional. It may also have a lot to do with the constant stream of questions in my head... questions like;

- Am I a good enough mother to have another child?
- How will I juggle two kids under three?
- How fat will I get? (how shallow of me!)
- Will I be able to have a vaginal birth this time?
- Could I ever possibly love another one as much as I love little Isobel? (stupid, I know!)

I guess when I look over this list, it seems completely justifiable that I would be a little on the edgy side.

I went to the gym this morning and I feel a million times better. I feel strong and able and ready to take on this two kid business. For now. I know in my heart of hearts that this little family is ready to grow and all of the fears and doubts are normal and healthy.

There, I feel much much better now that I have shared this with you blog! I can now go back to my chocolate bunny eating frenzy before Izzy wakes up!