Ayla - 5.5 weeks.. Isn't she lovely?
Oh what a rollercoaster this past two weeks have been. I started off feeling (excuse my french) completely scared shitless about M going back to work to quickly realising as soon as he waved goodbye at the gate that it was exactly what I needed. I needed control back. To find my groove with my two littlies.
And control I got... for all of about 5 mins... then the baby started crying, Izzy poo'd on the floorboards, the bucket I had absent mindedly (yes, thats not a word) left filling in the laundry sink overflowed (and when I say overflowed, I mean 5 beach towels to soak it all up)... need I go on? Welcome to parenting multiple style!
You know, when I posted about the Guilt Monster, I actually had no idea how shit I was feeling. I actually thought I was feeling pretty good. I think I was in a state of denial. Putting on a brave festive season face. It wasnt until I read it back and read your comments that the tears started flowing. I realised that I am majorly sleep deprived, incredibly up tight and just plain exhausted.
Today was wonderful. I set down some new ground rules for myself (I will share these in another post - if I ever getting around to it) but it is mainly about internal dialogue, being kinder to myself through this time and above all else being honest about how I am feeling and not trying to be some kind of Super Mum. After all, it is only week 6... I have their whole lives to prove how wonderful I am ;o)
Bed is calling but I wanted to finish this post by thanking all of you (you know who you are) for your heartfelt comments and advice to my GM post. It really touched me that so many of you took the time to give me advice and show your support and love. I am once again reminded of how amazing this online blogging community can be.
Sweet dreams!
5 comments:
She's gorgeous, really, what a sweetheart!! Motherhood & running a house is a business, sometimes your clients are difficult & often things go wrong with the day (like flooding the laundry). You'll get on top of it, listen to your body, sleep, rest, enjoy, there are no awards or prizes for motherhood, just being happy & healthy is a huge daily reward. As your children, you've been in the job for longer & gets easier, different, new challenges & rewards. Love Posie
Jess I'm glad you're realising that you must be kind to yourself.
I'm sure you're doing an amazing job and please stop worrying about what you think you should be doing and just do it. You're a natural honestly you are! x
Oh Jess, she's GORGEOUS!!!!!
And I think you're FAB! I find mothering 1 child A LOT of work, so I think you're magic for handling 2 :) And I couldn't agree more about the blogging community being such a wonderful sounding board in times of need!!!!
xo
P.S. Ella would LURVE to be Izzy's penpal :) I have your address, so will get the ball rolling first :) {also have a little something to send you....STILL :)}
How you are feeling is how ANY NORMAL PERSON feels for at least the first three months after their baby is born!!! I was an emotional, sobbing, hormonal, irrational MESS a lot of the time after Elliott was born. I couldnt help it. None of us can help it. And being alone is HARD. I couldnt get out of my own house for the first 3 weeks! Heck, Im still finding it difficult. But one day you wake up and realise you've had more than 4 hours sleep, the clouds part and it get a little easier. Hopefully tht will come soon for you -- for me it was about week 14!!! Good luck...... xo
So beautiful.
I hear you on how you've been feeling and I think it's wonderful that you've acknowledged you need to be good to yourself because it is so true and SO important.
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