I have been thinking a lot lately about honesty amongst women.
Whilst out shopping recently, I popped in to a fancy little childrens boutique. As I was browsing all the gorgeous (and remarkably expensive goodies) another mum made her way in to the shop pushing a double stroller and ushering a toddler in behind her. After chatting briefly with the sales assistant, she motioned to the toddler that it was time to go - Oh no - Little Miss was staying put in the kiddie corner, she was having waaay to much fun to leave.... Again she tried to get her to follow. No luck. Then again. Nope. Evetually she scooped her up.
Familiar tears, kicking, screams and pounding little fists followed. I barely flinched, after all - this is almost a daily occurance for me right now. This is the reality of having a two to three year old. What did get my attention was the strained comment that the now blushing Mum made to us as she left the shop:
"First official public tantrum - Oh well, I guess there is a first and a last for everything"
My first reaction was - Wow, what a lucky Mum. What a well behaved toddler. Then I remembered the kicking and screaming and realised that of course, this was no once off - that was a well rehersed tanty if I had ever seen one!
I get how embarrassing public toddler tantrums can be and I have been known to slip Izzy a lollipop to shut her - anything to make it go away and I have felt everything from guilt, anger, sadness and desperation but wouldn't us mums all be doing ourselves a favour by being out and proud. Wouldnt that help us all more than pretending it never happens? Why did this mum and ALL mums have to feel this constant scrutiny from other parents and people in general?
My child is an absolute horror at times and yes - she has tantrums, yes - they can be horrible, NO - It is not because she is a bad kid or I am a bad Mum. It is just because she is two. Big bloody deal.
Honesty amongst mums (and women in general) is so important.
Chantelle at FatMumSlim wrote this post about her experience of childhood sexual abuse and it helped so many women, because she made it 'ok' to talk about. Others could relate and felt better.
And then this morning I read this painfully honest post by Holly at Good Golly Miss Holly and her experience with PND and the importance of not judging other parents. I could relate and I cried because it took me back to a painful time of sleep deprivation and the testing of my absolute limits.
I read them and felt human. I applaud these female bloggers because they are honest. They are real.
After all, it is not all cupcakes and crafting in the land of motherhood.
Do you have a post or a blog that you love for its honesty?
11 comments:
I love this post Jess! So honest & REAL! No sugar coating about parenting here & I love it!!!!
Haaa...it was only last week that I was dealing with a massive toddler meltdown in public. I took Ella to the library and we were there for a VERY long time enjoying ourselves! But we had to leave to be at another appointment...and Miss Ella was NOT happy about it! If anyone saw the Mummy with an overloaded library bag spilling everywhere while carrying a screaming, kicking, hysterical 2yr old whilst trying to walk out of the library and across the road....that was ME! But...I got her in the car eventually and off we went & she calmed down & we moved on :)
It's nice to have other Mummies who understand...and give you that "been there, done that, know what you're going through' look :)
Good job Jess :) I'm actually planning on writing a post later tonight about 'parenting being far from easy' :)
xox
it is more the expectations we put on these little people. they are growing and changing and deserve to have many meltdowns. we are just there to help them through it, not to judge how other mothers handle it or how other children react. i agree...we as women in general need to be more supportive. it takes a village, right?
Thanks Claire.. will stop by and read your post tonight. I agree, it helps so much when other mums give you that re-assuring look. It makes such a big difference.
Kristi - thats so so true. I try and remember to put myself in Izzy's shoes and not always rush her long, move her from place to place etc.. It is so hard sometimes but you're right, we put so many expectations on them without realising.
And yes, we should support and not judge. It does take a village, indeed!
After reading that post back, it does sound that I am judging that mum in the shop. I guess what I meant was that it is sad that we feel guilty for something that is so human and common and just part of growing up for a toddler.. And part of being a mum for us.
well said Jess!!!!
so true.. everything that you said right there!
i wish i was brave enough to talk about my issues in blog land... but i am not, i feel exposed because of it being linked to my "brand"... WHICH is so silly isn't it!?!
xx
Nah Jessi - I dont think its silly at all. Blogs are also just one form of expression... and I totally get that feeling of being exposed here. I almost shut mine down at one point because of that.
Your post was fantastic. I am lucky to have a wonderful bunch of friends and on a almost daily basis we call, SMS or have coffee with each other to run through the issues we are currently having - be it pregnancy, breastfeeding, toddler tantrums, you name it. It is wonderful to have the support.
I posted a while back on how much I hate pregnancy and for me...this was hard to admit as it is supposed to be the happiest time of your life.
Sometimes blogworld can make it appear that there are families out there who have this perfect life, with no troubles...but a lot goes on behind a blog. Thanks for the great post Jess. Keep up the great work.
So true, Jess! People (and women in particular) do seem to feel the need to keep up appearances, to the detriment of being true to themselves and others. I'm one of those 'get it all out' types and I've never minced the tough reality of parenting. I can understand why some do, though, as it's a tough thing to face sometimes!!
There are so many bloggers that touch my heart, but Annie at Living Life as Me is particularly special.
Thank goodness!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And glad you're better.
I love your post Jess. You're right and it's the thing that I dislike most about Mum's. Really, it helps no one, including ourselves to lie, about these things. I think it's hard to know how honest to be sometimes so some people just aren't sure what to say at all and just don't. How interesting that we are all on a similar train of thought at the moment.
Great post Jess. I too love a bit of honesty with my life. Parenting is not all cupcakes and crafting (I love that BTW) and why pretend that it is?
I was at the supermarket today and Dew Drop (the boy twin) was squealing at the top of his lungs. OMG was it loud! Some shoppers scofted but one lady came over and laughingly told him to be quiet and stop embarassing his mother! She seemed to know what it is like to have NO CONTROL over your child's behviour.
Needlesstosay we had a good giggle together :)
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